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A silent poets loud dreams

Life in the words of a mediocre poet.

Month

July 2016

What pulls you in?

I would like people to share this. Comment and start a discussion with me. This is merely educational on my part. In need of some food for thought.

Visit and let’s talk on my blog.

http://www.asilentpoetslouddreams.wordpress.com

When do you realize your the most in love with you partner or that your falling in love with them even more?

How do they feed your soul? What is I about them specifically that makes you feel like your heart is safe in their hands.

How do they motivate and support your spirituality, caused you to re-examine or change your life for the better. 

What are some of the long-term lovers secrets to growing with one another.

I find myself realizing. After me and my Squishy face, yes I call her “Squishy face.” After our lovely weekends spent together, and we are in our humble homes. Preparing for a busy week ahead. 

And I’m going to sleep alone. It hits me how much I miss her presence. Her sight and smells. 

And then I start replaying the weekends or time we spend together in my head. The silly jokes she tells, how she matches me in my craziness and loudness. How fiercely we made love. Whether we went out or had a weekend in with relaxation and cuddles.

Then my heart palpitates. And I’m smiling uncontrollably. And I’m awestruck by her. When I’m all alone.

I realize I love her even more when she’s not around. Then I get an insane amount of “butterflies” because it’s been just so natural since day one. Nothing forced, complementing one another in such a profound way.

A time.

Stuck in a moment.
They screamed on the inside.
Voices resonating in their mind.
Eternity, a lifetime?
A second?

Chasing what they cannot see.
Obsessing over its meaning.
It is a human endeavour; our plight and greed.
The cries of the weary asking for “more time please.”

Yet what does this mean?
What is a moment really?

A clock runs their hearts, they grasp at hands desperately.
Always slipping through the fingers.
Torn between what is and what should be.
A corrosive chaotic ticking in place of where a rhythmic beat should be.

The illusion of time rots their minds.
That is something I cannot transpire.
Pleading with the unknown.
To have a little more of what is bound to take place nevertheless.

My friends you would feel empty once again.
Once that moment left.
And there you rest.
Sullen and bitter because you wasted all your “time”;
And now you have none left for which you should have already spent.

Living in the now is the greatest gift
Peer your eyes, open your mind.
Have you not one think to be thankful for.
Right here, right now.

Because past, future or present.
You will never have enough time.

It’s all beautiful, a drunken ramble.

Love is beautiful.

Time tested old love; weather but tensile beyond all means. 

New and adventurous love, setting off in the exploration of one’s soul.

I’m sitting here at a wedding and I cannot fight the urge to weep uncontrollably. The amount of family and friend’s gathered here is astonishing really. And it is open bar which I’ve never had the luxury of being at. And I think I am hammered before everyone else. Yet I can still type perfectly.

I can honestly say that if I were to be married tomorrow, the total amount of people that would should up would be about five. That’s with no exaggeration.

People underestimate the true value of family. It’s a strange thing to feel sorrow for something I’ve never had. But we always want we can’t have right?

It also made me realize how much I really am In love with my woman, the one who brought me as her date. She’s the photographer. And I keep looking for her face in the crowd. Just wanting to see her beautiful face and dance with her.

Does it make me insane that at 26 I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime. And that I am ready to settle down, get married and buy a house. Have that cliché typical family live I never had growing up. 

That running around, drinking and chasing girls has long since disinterested me. And that I’ve been just looking for someone to feed my heart soul and mind. And now that I’ve found her, in such night anticipation to make her mine forever.

And it’s not just this situation or time. It’s the fact at the random and stupidest times, I just hopelessly realize she’s not like everyone else. And that she is “the one.” Literally fitting perfectly against me, complementing everything I am not.

It comes to my attention alot of people search a lifetime for what I am attempting to vaguely yet profoundly explain.

So I count myself as one of the few, lucky and proud. I stopped searching. And what I was looking for found me.

She is my everything. The first I love you came from me. And I there are numerous of first’s I keep experiencing.  

Love of not exclusive. To those who feel hopeless. You cannot force something. It wasn’t until I had given up all hop and expectations and decided to take whatever life would throw at me. That I would find what I had truly searched for. 

That I had recognized it in such an instance.

I guess what I am trying to say is please don’t lose hope. What you are looking for may be right in your grasp. And when it is my beautifuls, man or woman you will never let it go. Not without the fight of your life. 

And excuse me, take every word I say with a grain of salt. But love is impartial; it exists as two different entities part of one whole. Opposing and attracting one another as one completed soul. Love is work, but the work is effortless as a whole.  

Existential me 03

“A word to the wise is sufficient” 

We live in a society where you’re singled out for being self-centered, weird to most if you are self-aware. 

A crime to search yourself. To feel a kin to your own skin. Forgive me for not handing myself over to worldliness.

Toxic are the ones you feel the need to validate and relate to. To those who try to play god with your life, but yet to have even scratched the surface of their own.

Causing hopeful extroverts to implode, introverting themselves. Protecting your mind comes at a cost. Disappearing among the many faces of friendship that have lost their places, I still love you but we now fill up different spaces, we no longer fit.

There is not a single person on this earth other than yourself that requires a reason when it comes to your betterment.

The first to question it. Usually are the last to comprehend, you have a vision, a means, an end. 

Success is a lonely road they say, and you fall many times along the way. Tripping over good intentions; positivity in negative states.

Today’s you dies with all of yesterdays lessons.  Inspire and stay true to  jagged path you’ll soon claim as your success.

Random thoughts.

I was sitting in my front yard looking at this tree.

I had remembered when it was planted. And over the years I walked by it hundreds of times, most of the time paying no mind to it.

Every once and a while I’ll look at it. I’m surprised at how big it has become, how much it branched out and spread. Leaving me with ample shade.

I came to realize that it’s the perfect metaphor for the human soul, no one ever sees it grow. But little by little own its own. Roots cling deeper in to soil.

And every so often, an opportunity comes along and you see how much you’ve matured as a person. How much more emotionally strong and aware you are. After seasons tore you down. Storms bent your around. And yet you emerged ever so strong, vibrant and full of color.

Weathered

Unhappy people hate the rain, fear it, run at the disdain of being wet.
They have become too dependant on the sunshine for happiness.
Heavy saturated clothes is a metaphor for the discomfort they hold in their heart.

Happy people bask in the rain, dance it, are renewed by it.
They know that the darkness wont last,
A few moments of shade, for days and days of rays, is a fair trade.
When it rises, when it sets, They appreciate it for what it is.

Beautiful; but temporary.

Fireworks.

Love is effortless.

Not to be confused with the fact that it requires work and undying patience, with very fine attention to details; the many different faces of one true. 

The work within the love is effortless. The love is natural, dying down to simplicity at certain points. Roaring up with fierce intensity at others.

The evening sky, lit by colorful explosions rhythmically dancing in the sky, oh so mesmerizing to the eyes.

You wait, and wait, the silence tears you up. Then all of a sudden there it is. Demanding all your attention.

The laughter of nervous girl in the embrace of a big hearted boy. And they fit together nicely, under a sky that once seemed so lonely.

Wind sending chills up our arms, gaze half on one another half looking up.

What surprises await us.

Parents being parented.

Parenting to alot of people can be a touchy subject. 

Since alot of people are stuck in their ways. Predisposed ideas from how you were or were not raised. 

As I was complaining to my girlfriend. Well not complaining but voicing my exhaustion. 

Two kids require insane amounts of energy. And when you’re hyperactive yourself and they tire you out it says something. Even more so that they have the same attention span as I do. About 0.2 seconds. 

So they’re forever getting into everything possible. I have to repeat the same things literally 100 times a day. That seems like a major understatement though.She asked me “are they really that bad or do you want them to be too perfect?” Which sparked a mile a second thoughts.

And it’s not that they’re bad. I guess when parenting atleast I feel anyways. There’s certain things you want to let go. But the fact that your not being listened to, or heard, I think as parents we take it personally. Like how dare you not listen to me. It becomes less about the thing you do not want them to do and more about, I am the boss you listen to me.

Too much discipline, not enough. It’s hard to find balance of the things that they should be doing. And the things that’s you should just let be. 

The scariest part is when you start to realize that you’re acting more and more like your parents. Especially when the things that you apply to your daily parent life. Are the things that you hated as a child. And still disagree with to this day.

And I guess being a young parent. I take it even more personal. Because I’m 26, a single father with two kids. And there’s such a stigma around young parents. 

That we must somehow all be irresponsible and people just assume that you a bad parent from the get go.

Which I guess gives me that incentive to make my children all the more polite and respectful. Like my oldest son, will hold the door open for people especially a woman. He helps me set the table. I never had to tell him. He just watches me do it. And takes initiative. Manners and respect are something very important to me. 

I guess it all stems from fear that id you let one thing slide. It will just escalate then all of a sudden you have no control of your home or daily schedule anymore.

Although the one thing that never leaves is the unconditional love. I also believe that we do certain things as parents for ourselves. For example I can honestly say that bedtime/storytime is something that I need more than they do. They love it for sure. And cannot get enough once I get started. Buy if I were to go a day without they wouldn’t have a care in the world.  But it would bug me.

Like I’m reading the stories to them, but I’m also reading them to the past me, the kid who never had stories read to him. No deep gentle voice lulling me to sleep with fairytales. Drifting off feeling safe and cozy in bed.

I guess the point is sometimes as a parent you have to sit down and look back and think about the motives behind everything you do, every rule you set.

And take the high road once and while, hug them hard and tell them that you love them.

Existential me part 01

I am but one man of none, but also of immense value.
Who basks in the sun and stares mystified at the moon.
As it all rises and falls.

Tonight I am grateful as one should be everyday,
Have you ever stopped to take a deep breath?
How good it feels?
It’s such a simplistic thing you do nonstop from the day you are born,
Until the day you part,
It’s so routine.

Yet if you willingly stop, in awe of a deep though.
Inhale with as much force as humanly possibly,
Expel it out with just as much.
The body tingles with weightlessness.
If only for a just a second.

Life entering the body,
Life exiting,
I became more aware of my heart,
Pumping and pushing of blood to all extremities,
There it is again,
That feeling,
That sound,
That’s life.

And I know I do not have it all figured out,
But taking it back to basics,
By doing something I do on a daily basis,
I took a breath,

How is that not beautiful?
It all stemmed from a thought,
And I found myself a little more,
And I’m thankful for that.
.

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