Just because I am a lover does not mean that I cannot or will night fight. It is just that there are very few things in this universe that are truly worth the aggression and mental taxation. When it comes to the things I love, those I love. All bets are off. They say love is the strongest human emotion of all. Never come between a person and what they hold so dear, a tear is a physical representation of metaphorical blood shed. I am a lover, I fight for what it love.
Here I am.
Here is 2017 another year the body ages but the mind fights to stay young. 27 years old two kids and still a whole life ahead of me to figure out still.
Long gone are the days of eyeliner and studded belts. I can’t believe I’m actually dressing like an adult now. The depressing MSN Messenger handles and Myspace. Oh god what a time!
I grew up in the height of the scene. When everyone though it was “devils music” or “something satanic” and at that I LOL, oh how we were misunderstood when the music wasn’t as popular and everyone judged the fuck out of us for being different and we snarled back for them being all the same.
But what I do know is my love for music has never died. And even as an adult I hardcore dance around the house while cleaning and doing the dishes; to a double bass drum fueled, pre-teen angst hyperness. Screaming along getting lost in the break-down and catchy choruses.
And what better way to start the year off than a show?
August Burns Red ( ABR ) Sunday January 8th at metropolis, one of Montreal’s most popular venue’s.
And I’m getting the old uniform on for the show. Skinnies, a band t-shirt ( of course like duh! ) Studded belt to top it off.
We spend so much time trying to grow old. We forget what makes us feel alive. And here I am in the thick of life, and it’s great. However every once and a while you need to take a step back, get loud and rowdy with the crew. Hit a show and jump around like skinny teenagers again. The inner kid is supposed to live vicariously through your adult self, not be repressed, that’s why so many become depressed. Life is truly short take some god damn time for yourself. Do what you enjoy.
And on a final note. August Burns Red got me through my teenage years when I felt depressed and alone. The band is no stranger to the plight. And I will be a life long fan. 60 years old still hardcore dancing until my hip breaks.
I’m only 27, but I am forever the emo kid.
A sweet lullaby.
Sound waves of calming tones,
In lightly spoken words hits my ears,
Lifts me off my feet.
What was that? Say it again……..
I’ll listen, just say anything.
What you call your voice,
I call beautiful with a paralyzing resonance.
Soothing to the heart.
Mesmerizing to the mind.
As you say hush, quiet.
It’s been a long day you look tired.
Tell me about.
I’ll light a candle, Is vanilla alright?
Within seconds she eases all tension.
With soft lips, a flirtatious grin.
As she pulls away from a kiss.
It’s what I miss.
The confidence she gets, making my mind a mess.
The weak look on my face.
It’s a game, knowing I want more.
How long until I beg?
Losing all control when she whispers my name,
Tickling my ear.
My whole body shakes.
Her closeness seducing my nose,
Scents of skin and perfume,
As I slip off her clothes,
Kisses trailing with each pull.
Drunk with lust, No self-control.
She smiles conceitedly, she knows she wins.
And now I’m just a mindless fool to flesh soft and smooth.
Holding my head between her chest,
A sigh, A plea, all frustration leaves me.
What is a man against a pair of soft pillowed breasts, but powerless.
Grabbing hand fulls of my fair,
Kisses on my forehead.
As I inhale deeply,
I could do this all night,
But my tongue grows restless,
To taste her nectar as sweet as her saliva.
How does a person truly know themselves, is self-discovery not a life long thing?
I definitely think and act differently than I use to.
What about days, months from now, will it change?
And if a man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.
How is he to act, think and believe in an ever-changing vessel?
Something that I’ve realized is that the more above something you think you are.
The contrary is true. It doesn’t take a strong person to overcome.
It takes a weak person in search of strength.
It’s the difference between pride and remembering where you came from and staying humble and thankful for where you are.
How can anyone believe that they are fully in control in something as uncontrollable and unpredictable as life.
And if I had one question. One single sentence to free me from my past. Would I be brave enough to ask? Or stand there with my words frozen to my lips once again. Even though I know there’s so much more than this. But fear still run cold through me. Missing everything beautiful and all of life’s precious gifts.
It’s all so simple yet I’m complicated.
Its all so simple yet I’ll never make it out pristine and unscathed like I dream about.
I’ve been praying for easy, instead every lesson has hit harder, with a reality that goes against my defensive nature.
I want everything my way and that has surely been denied. Another sad day, another long night. So what is the question to make it all right. Where’s the answer I need to help me?
To once and for all understand that I’m just fragile flesh and bone and my time is not of my own?
A moment suspended in time,
When you first kissed me,
I never realized that I had died,
Because I just shot back to life,
Oh how sweet your saliva,
Your breath on my face,
Thank you for walking with me,
As I stumbled to be a better man,
Never once did you let go of my hand,
Even when that would have made more sense,
Just know that I love you,
Every noise your mouth makes,
From the happy,
To when your pointing blame,
The dimples on your face,
Every wrinkle I can trace,
Since day one,
I couldn’t look away,
When your eyes give you away,
Oh darling they give you away,
let me kiss your rose petal lips,
let me tell you,
Your vanity rips my insides apart,
You have no right to tell me different,
Oh if you could see yourself,
From my eyes,
You’d react different when I say your beautiful,
You’d smile because you know it’s true,
And that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Here I am alone with my thoughts.
And a solitary smile graces my face.
The world sees me and thinks I’m lonesome.
That I just smile because I am out of place,
that it’s all just to save face.
Content with the space I’m occupying.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy people by my side.
It’s just not necessary for my mind.
I the silent guy watch these masses of people,
huddled together and overjoyed by the thought of company.
Share a look of an envious emptiness.
I’ve never seen such loneliness before.
Searching for themselves among the faces in the crowds.
While I a single man walk, happily trying to figure this life out.
I would like people to share this. Comment and start a discussion with me. This is merely educational on my part. In need of some food for thought.
Visit and let’s talk on my blog.
When do you realize your the most in love with you partner or that your falling in love with them even more?
How do they feed your soul? What is I about them specifically that makes you feel like your heart is safe in their hands.
How do they motivate and support your spirituality, caused you to re-examine or change your life for the better.
What are some of the long-term lovers secrets to growing with one another.
I find myself realizing. After me and my Squishy face, yes I call her “Squishy face.” After our lovely weekends spent together, and we are in our humble homes. Preparing for a busy week ahead.
And I’m going to sleep alone. It hits me how much I miss her presence. Her sight and smells.
And then I start replaying the weekends or time we spend together in my head. The silly jokes she tells, how she matches me in my craziness and loudness. How fiercely we made love. Whether we went out or had a weekend in with relaxation and cuddles.
Then my heart palpitates. And I’m smiling uncontrollably. And I’m awestruck by her. When I’m all alone.
I realize I love her even more when she’s not around. Then I get an insane amount of “butterflies” because it’s been just so natural since day one. Nothing forced, complementing one another in such a profound way.
Stuck in a moment.
They screamed on the inside.
Voices resonating in their mind.
Eternity, a lifetime?
Chasing what they cannot see.
Obsessing over its meaning.
It is a human endeavour; our plight and greed.
The cries of the weary asking for “more time please.”
Yet what does this mean?
What is a moment really?
A clock runs their hearts, they grasp at hands desperately.
Always slipping through the fingers.
Torn between what is and what should be.
A corrosive chaotic ticking in place of where a rhythmic beat should be.
The illusion of time rots their minds.
That is something I cannot transpire.
Pleading with the unknown.
To have a little more of what is bound to take place nevertheless.
My friends you would feel empty once again.
Once that moment left.
And there you rest.
Sullen and bitter because you wasted all your “time”;
And now you have none left for which you should have already spent.
Living in the now is the greatest gift
Peer your eyes, open your mind.
Have you not one think to be thankful for.
Right here, right now.
Because past, future or present.
You will never have enough time.
Love is beautiful.
Time tested old love; weather but tensile beyond all means.
New and adventurous love, setting off in the exploration of one’s soul.
I’m sitting here at a wedding and I cannot fight the urge to weep uncontrollably. The amount of family and friend’s gathered here is astonishing really. And it is open bar which I’ve never had the luxury of being at. And I think I am hammered before everyone else. Yet I can still type perfectly.
I can honestly say that if I were to be married tomorrow, the total amount of people that would should up would be about five. That’s with no exaggeration.
People underestimate the true value of family. It’s a strange thing to feel sorrow for something I’ve never had. But we always want we can’t have right?
It also made me realize how much I really am In love with my woman, the one who brought me as her date. She’s the photographer. And I keep looking for her face in the crowd. Just wanting to see her beautiful face and dance with her.
Does it make me insane that at 26 I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime. And that I am ready to settle down, get married and buy a house. Have that cliché typical family live I never had growing up.
That running around, drinking and chasing girls has long since disinterested me. And that I’ve been just looking for someone to feed my heart soul and mind. And now that I’ve found her, in such night anticipation to make her mine forever.
And it’s not just this situation or time. It’s the fact at the random and stupidest times, I just hopelessly realize she’s not like everyone else. And that she is “the one.” Literally fitting perfectly against me, complementing everything I am not.
It comes to my attention alot of people search a lifetime for what I am attempting to vaguely yet profoundly explain.
So I count myself as one of the few, lucky and proud. I stopped searching. And what I was looking for found me.
She is my everything. The first I love you came from me. And I there are numerous of first’s I keep experiencing.
Love of not exclusive. To those who feel hopeless. You cannot force something. It wasn’t until I had given up all hop and expectations and decided to take whatever life would throw at me. That I would find what I had truly searched for.
That I had recognized it in such an instance.
I guess what I am trying to say is please don’t lose hope. What you are looking for may be right in your grasp. And when it is my beautifuls, man or woman you will never let it go. Not without the fight of your life.
And excuse me, take every word I say with a grain of salt. But love is impartial; it exists as two different entities part of one whole. Opposing and attracting one another as one completed soul. Love is work, but the work is effortless as a whole.